i'm sorry you're such a...

..."fill in the blank"

And other wonderfully effective ways to ruin a perfectly good apology.

I have to say before we wander down this rambling road that will clearly will lead to nowhere good, fast... Well, I have to say that, one: I will vehemently deny this post ever existed in the morning, so enjoy a slice of "real life" in paradise while ya can, and two: we do do apologies in this house, oh boy, oh boy do we do apologies.  

In fact I am so altogether apologetic that I have been told many a time to STOP apologizing, to which I usually reply "I'm sorry".  Oh and the boys in this house they apologize, they apologize masterfully and with curious frequency.  

That Seanzy apologizes so very well I'm really quite concerned that he might just have worked out how to simultaneously express his regrets while committing his offence.  He seems to skillfully launch a fistful of sand and whilst it hangs mid air honing in on it's target his sweet little voice rises to propel it along with "saaaw-weeee", like, as if. 

So apologies they're a good thing, right?  When given freely.  They can be the sweetest of affirmations that a person and their feelings matter.  When given freely.  But there are times when that Charlie, mid argument will require an apology.  And if there were ever a way to ensure that you not get a desired response from me, well, all you have to do is require it.  So, of course mid argument saying "you owe me an apology" well, that pretty much seals the deal that this will not end well for ya.  

And so Charlie, sweet, silly Charlie did just that the other day and oh you guys I dug real, REAL deep and searched the depths of my soul for a suitably sorrowful "sorry" to give him and I am the child of teachers, don't ya know, and so I do know what an "I" statement is and that, "I feel that you owe me an apology" should be met with something like, " I hear that you feel that your feelings were hurt and that you're feeling your feelings could use an apology...", but, the thing is I am also my Uncle John's niece.

Oh, can we talk about Uncle John here, for just a bit?  

I think we can, you know, because the chances that Uncle John will read this post here or any post on any blog anywhere, well... not gonna happen.  That Uncle John is my Boston Irish uncle.  Oh he is a ginger haired ball of fire, he's that somebody who you sit dangerously close to at family dinners because if you sit too far away you run a very real risk of placing yourself in his line of sight, and oh pity the soul who makes that mistake.

And so yes, I dug deep into that pocket of a soul of mine and I pushed around those clingy bits of lint and equally as annoying, you know when you're getting a good fiery emotional outburst going, those ego affirming "I" statements and other general "good girl" terms...  And geesh you guys, I tugged and pulled hard for a meaningful apology.  But, when I opened my mouth to give Charlie the apology he so rightly deserved well, so help me, out came what can only be explained as a sort of channeling of Uncle John.  Cue the thick Boston accent...

I'm sorry.

Oh, it started off just fine, quite nicely I think, but it continued on, and there in lay the problem.

I'm sorry... I'm S-O-R-R-Y you're such a "fill in the blank".

Which who'd a thunk it, the little end to that apology right there was so powerfully effective as to completely negate it's beginning.  Leaving me, of course, apologizing for my apology.  Sigh.

And here, a short list of other wonderfully effective ways to ruin a perfectly good apology, should you need help with that sort of thing:

Any sort of apology delivered whilst your eyeballs are rolling round and round in your head, well, that can be just maddening.

Saying "sorry" with a smirk, smile or other sort of facial contortion.

Saying sorry via letmeapologize.com, which apparently is a "sorry" site if ever there was one.

Starting any sort of atonement with "I've got your apology right here"-- I'm learning this, possibly, could set the wrong tone, ya know?

And, apparently "I'm sorry you were wrong", well, apparently that there is no apology at all and so saying it and expecting any sort of reconciliation would be... wrong.

...

I could go on and on and on but then it's likely that that wonderfully supportive Charlie of mine might read this post and, well, then I might have to, you know... apologize.

live sweet, 

n