This, little rambling right here, is my once upon a do over story. My moment in this messy little life when, well... if I could, I'd use the very widest of brushes dipped in the biggest vat of white out and I'd try again to write the lines of this life just a bit sweeter than the first time around.
Oh, once upon a time, (like, just the other day)... I was desperately in need of a do over, ya know? I stood at the edge of that sweet pool of water during our little staycay at Turtle Bay Resort and I watched the boys splash and swim and smile for hours.
It seems, as a mom, sometimes I am often so very content to find all my joy in the smiles of these little boys of mine. And sometimes that is just as it should be... me, as mother, quietly standing by ready to swoop in should there be even the slightest suggestion that I am needed to kiss away a booboo, or mend a hurting heart. And I don't know that I would give up that role, really, ever. I suspect that even when they are themselves standing by as vigilant parents watching and waiting for their own little ones to need them, well, even then, I suppose I will be standing by with my own eyes on them, ready, just in case, you know?
But sometimes, like this time right here, well... sometimes it seems that my willingness to stand by "at the ready" is a bit of an excuse to not fully live my own life. To not take that plunge in to those cold new waters and to not have to know and feel for myself what it is like to be pushed and pulled by the currents.
And so, I have to tell ya I stood on the edge of that rock and watched the boys through the lens of my camera and I later found myself on a chaise lounge basking in the light of their laughter. Which was all so very lovely to be sure.
But, if I had it to do over. If I had that early summer afternoon back I'd have written myself into the story, not as a narrator, an observer and keeper of memories, but as a character, a major player in that afternoon's story. I would have stood on that rock for but a moment. And, after having sufficiently teeter tottered on it's edge, I would have sucked in one giant breath, pushed off from it and I would have seen just what that moment looked like from the inside.
And, I just know it would've been sweet to have my own laughter written into the lines of that day, ya know... if I could have just that one little afternoon... to do over.
Do you sometimes wish for a once upon a do over?
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I was compensated for this post as a member of Clever Girls Collective. All the opinions expressed here are my own.