fifty ways to leave your lover...

posted on: 5.01.2012

and one-hundred and one ways to not.

Oh, I el-oh-vee-ee Paul Simon, it's really quite ridiculous the extent of my infatuation.  And, I can oft be found singing very loudly and oh so off key to any one of his songs.  And, so, last night when "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" came up on Pandora you know I was all over "hop on the bus Gus" and "you don't need to be coy Roy" and that got me thinking , as I belted out "slip out the back Jack", that maybe I needed to make a list of my very own since I have no lover I'd like to leave but I do have one I'd love to keep.

One-hundred and One Ways to Not Leave Your Lover

One. Let them in and then... 
Lock the door (to your heart) from the outside-- that should pretty much take care of the remaining one-hundred but just in case here are a few more...

Two.  When the bus you've been waiting for pulls up and the doors open up, step inside 'cause you "need that sense of freedom" and "no one can control you", and "you are your own person", and... then turn around and step back off and let it drive away 'cause it wasn't so very long ago that you were hoping a bus would come and carry you off to where you are right now.  Once upon a time this was the once upon a time you dreamed of-- Remember that often, like fifty-five, or so, times...

fifty-seven (or so).  Should your lover look at you longingly from across the room and then zero in on that piece of chocolate cake you're holding and then glance down at your hips and perhaps have the audacity to frown the slightest of frowns-- roll your eyes if you must, roll them hard if you will... but do not file this one  under "super uber important offenses" (which shall not ever be forgotten or completely forgiven--ever), there will be bigger more worthy offenses, pace yourself.

fifty-eight. Discuss much.  Oh, I know dear old Paul Simon would tisk, tisk this one but really why assume that the glance from the cake to the hips and then the frown, oh that silly little frown, was not meant as a "honey, I wish you had had twice as big a slice as clearly it would get your hula hips a swayin'".  Talk about it and give your lover a chance to tell you how totally awesome you eating cake really is to them.

fifty-nine. When the memory of the glance from the cake to the hips and then the frown enters your mind for the umpteenth time today, and you wanna "shove that fork..."-- don't. Phew, o.k. now that we're all settled down a bit rinse and repeat steps fifty seven through eight like twenty times or more as needed.


seventy-nine (or so so). "Make a new plan Stan".  Who says you can't be who you are today with the person you committed yourself to yesterday.  Don't be so sure they wouldn't love your changes as intensely as you feel the need to make them.  And if you were wrong about that bob cut and those pink highlights, well you'll want someone there to help tie the scarf around your head and have endless movie nights in, while you wait for it to grow out.

eighty.   Pee your pants.  I mean really laugh, so hard you could pee your pants, or snort or be in some way completely unencumbered you.  And, be grateful that that person next to you is too busy laughing along with ya to even notice.  Be in this moment with this lover.  

eighty-two and three quarters.  Believe in the magic of love.  The way that it works in the most ridiculous and unexpected ways and the way that that is wonder-fully amazing.  

eighty-three.  Can we just call that good for now and skip to ninety-nine, 'cause upon closer examination of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" well it turns out Mr. Simon did not offer fifty unique items, he in fact repeatedly sang eight helpful tips over and over as if they were some sort of go to chorus or something.

ninety-nine.  Smiling is always a good idea-- yeah that's a good one.  A long deep look in to each others' eyes as little people whack you with their imaginary light sabers or tie you up for their wild west cowboys game, well it could mean all the difference between feeling like there is no one in this whole entire world who will ever rescue you and knowing that you are not alone, in fact you're likely to be thrown in the brig with that handsome outlaw right over there... smile at them and they just might let you call them "pardner".

one-hundred.  Speak out of love. Or at least don't speak out of anger. (Or, fatigue, boredom, hunger, fear, oh and especially not boredom-fear-and hunger combined-- that would be bad).  

one-hundred and one.  And, for the big finale... yeah, I've pretty much got nothing.  But, I'm sure you do, 'cause this is your lover and this is your love and that means it's uniquely yours and that's what's so sweet about love. I suppose.

And if you really must here's vintage Paul Simon.
Live in Central Park
Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover


okie doke.

live sweet,
n

note:  When I first started researching how to be a good blogger I read somewhere that one should publish lists and present one's self as an "expert".  


note on the note:  In my expert opinion I know nothing about anything except, perhaps, tiny little random bits about living. 

note on the note's note:  Charlie, I el-oh-vee-ee you even more than I el-oh-vee-ee Paul Simon which is a whole el-oh-tee. --Oh, spelling out words in that long drawn out fashion really does get old doesn't it?
Happy 10 years lover.  

22 comments:

  1. Funny "I know nothing about anything.." No I think your random bits of living advice looks pretty expert to me :)
    Jennifer
    http://www.practicallyperfectprincess.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aloha Jen,

      Have I told you lately just how very sweet it is to have you here with us?-- thanks for that.

      xo,
      Nicole

      Delete
  2. Thanks for stopping by and following me. I just wanted to let you know that I am now following you back.I look forward to reading more from your Blog. I hope you'll stop by to visit my blog from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you stopped by!!!

      Aloha,
      Nicole

      Delete
  3. Those are great tips! Super cute. :) Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonnie,

      You stopped by just in time to find me being all expert"ish"-- yay.

      =)

      xoxo,
      Nicole

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. love that you love it Kristina!!!

      xoxo,
      N

      Delete
  5. I think that is one of the truest things I have ever read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for coming along for this silly little ride.

      xoxo,
      Nicole

      Delete
  6. Hi there! Took me way too long to swing by your fun little blog after you visited mine last week. I'm following you back. :D I too am an expert at *nothing* but still attempt to be a successful blogger. This list sounded pretty credible to me. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully it sounded a little fun too-- it's a silly little list of the sweetest of things.

      I'm so glad you've come to ride with us!!!
      xoxo,
      Nicole

      Delete
  7. I'm following you back and looking forward to hearing about life in Hawaii!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aloha Tonia,
      It's so sweet to have you with us. We do do Hawaii here and life and life in Hawaii and lots of sweetness.

      xoxo,
      Nicole

      Delete
  8. Nicole, this is too sweet! You are a great blogger (and I am just a newbie follower)! Over from May Day!!
    Hugs,
    Jen @ f5

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you know Jen that having you here for the ride makes my May Day and everyday-- just thought you should know. Thanks for that!!!

      xoxo,
      Nicole

      Delete
  9. Just so you know, you're one of my favorite new blog reads! I'm SO HAPPY to have discovered you during the blog hop!

    You make me want to listen to Paul Simon like it's my job or something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. E & K,

      I'm so honored-- really, truly... Thank you for being here and thanks too for being one of the many beautiful voices in bloggy land.

      "listen to Paul Simon like it's my job or something"-- love it!!!

      Aloha,
      N

      Delete
  10. Thanks for the follow! I appreciate you reading ModaMama.

    I'm not much of an expert either, I don't think anyone really is. I just know little tidbits here and there that I've picked up. And I like to embarrass myself for a good laugh...so there's that ;)

    Anyway, thanks again!

    ModaMama.blogspot.ca

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joanna,

      You being here, for the ride, sharing laughs, and tidbits is awesomeness!

      Aloha,
      N

      Delete
  11. Somehow in one day I read the two best blog posts I have ever read. ever. Yours is on this short list...thank you for sharing with such honesty and indeed knowing. Hit somewhere near home.
    Best to you and your lovah!
    ~Deirdre

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deidre,

      Have I told you lately that you're my favorite, that I adore you, that anytime you wanna make my day you're welcome to, and mostly that I'm humbled, incredibly and so completely humbled by your sweet words.

      xoxo,
      Nicole

      Delete

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